I'll just keep DREAMING

Sunday, October 31, 2004
7:58 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Lolz. People, if u haven't read this, go and read. Haha. Quite funny. Lolz.
http://www.jcguide.org

5:48 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

In Vincent's house now. Planned lotsa things to finish today, but it's already 5pm and yet I'm not even halfway through my schedule la. Argh. This sucks.
Anyway, was going through some old photos yesterday. Brought back lotsa memories sia. And it made me realise something. I have not gotten over her even though I thought I had... Sigh, too bad. It's too late to turn back time now... I had my chances, but I didn't take them. Sigh... forget it. It's Fate...
Did something damn foolish and silly yesterday. Don't know why I did it even though I have already analysed things the night before. Guess I just needed to reconfirm my analysis. Well, as it was, I thought I wouldn't be affected by the outcome of the re-analysis. Sigh...but how wrong could I get...??? Was troubled by it the whole day. Never mind. It's over. It's impossible...

Friday, October 29, 2004
7:43 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Woohoo~! Another day has gone by! We are getting nearer and nearer to the A's. Haha. Wadzup with me sia? I'm supposed to be worried about A's and yet I'm laughing away now. Haha. Been getting more and more impatient for A's to be over sia. Been longing for the carefree days we had after our O's. Hmm, I seriously hope that I have the mood to play after A's. (In other words, I hope to do well for A's la. Hmm, who doesn't, right? Haha.)
Sigh. But thinking about it, our lives are boring to the core sia. Everyday wake up --- study. Then lunchbreak. Then study again. Then sleep... study again. Wth... Life sucks. But that's the way it goes, isn't it? Sigh. We just hafta accept it. It's our lives. Haha.
Feel quite relieved now. After one whole day of hard mugging (okay, I didn't study very much. Only 2 topics of maths and 2 econs mcqs. Sucks. But I still find it quite satisfying. Haha. Don't know why also.), I can finally take a breather now. I'm going home to watch the Singapore Idol results show. Haha. Watched the performances last night. Thought only Olinda (as usual) and Slyvester did well. Taufik did okay. The rest can go eat shit (woah, thank goodness Jerry is already out. Lolz.). Hmm...lemme guess who will be kicked out today, shall I? Haha. But seriously I have no idea. The Singapore voters are funny. Unpredictable. But according to merit, Chris should go and die. But if it's popularity, hmm... I don't know. Maybe Leandra? Don't know. Shall see. Oh no! It's 8pm liao! I'm gonna be late for the show! Arhhh...

1:58 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Okay, this is bad. Something is really distracting me at the moment. Was hoping it will go away, but sometimes things just don't go your way. This is really irritating. Can't seem to find the correct answer no matter how hard i try, which way i try. This is like a maze and I'm the mouse, trying to find a way out of it, and the route seems never ending... Sigh. I need a breathing space. Just leave me alone. Shall attempt to find the opening myself... Hmm, but maybe the only way to get the answer is to try it out?? But it will be really cruel if the derived answer is no right? Hmm. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. Sigh, whatever...

Thursday, October 28, 2004
4:02 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

In school now. So sianz. Totally no mood to study. (Okay, I have no exam today but I just couldn't concentrate on what I'm supposed to do. Sigh.)
Anyway, went out of the library to calm myself down. Sigh. Wrong choice...coz I met Dorothy Chua! Argh... Wanted to avoid her but she turned around and saw me! Wth... No choice. Put up a smiley face and say hi to her. Don't know why I'm avoiding her though. Maybe it's the guilt inside me. Failed my GP in prelims and yet I'm not really doing anything about it. Sigh, anyhow, as expected, she asked me about what I have done for GP. I was like "err..." deep down in myheart, but my natural instinct is to tell her I have been practising many compre papers. And when I say "many" to her, I really mean "many". Lolz. Know what? Told her I almost completed the whole compre booklet that she gave us. But once those words came out of my mouth, I began to regret. Coz she stared at me with her eyes wide open. Well, she doesn't believe me, does she? Haha. Oh well, who will believe such a lie? Haha. But whatever. Shall stop talking about this. It's making me feel more guilty. Sigh.
7 more days before the real battle starts. Been thinking alot about A's this few days. Seriously, I think an exam is very much similar to a battle, a war. Out on the battlefield, you are always left to fend for yourself. Yes, there are comrades out there battling alongside you. But at the end of the day, the rifle is in your own hands. You have to shoot it yourself. No one can help you. And you think people will care about your safety on the battlefield? No way man. Everyone fights for his own safety. Though they are your comrades in name, there are no friends on the battlefield. You think people will care about you when you are down and out on the battlefield? Absolutely not. They move on. They will see you as a burden to them. And there you lie, helpless. No one can help you. They are either too busy defending themselves or they simply don't care about you. You have to stand up on your own and move on. That's the way things work on the battlefield, isn't it?
Now, isn't an exam identical to a war then? You can only depend on yourself. Your fate is in your own hands. You decide it yourself. You think people are willing to suffer with you? Simply out of the question. "You want to suffer, do it yourself." That's the way it is. Sad. Sigh.
You have to put up with the rain before you can see the rainbow. Well, it's quite true. Xian ku hou tian. I have always believed in this. Sigh jiayou Weijie! You are on your own now... But I'm sure you can win this battle. It's whether you are willing to do it or not...

Wednesday, October 20, 2004
7:13 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Hmm...in school library now. Had no mood to study. Been mugging since 2. Felt so mentally tired now. Really admire Vincent's motivational drive. Can't understand why he's always so motivated. Sigh.
Anyway, we guys got NS enlistment letter yesterday. Sigh. Found out that only Jun Yuan and I are in the April batch. Wth. We will be so damn lonely la. Haha. But guess what? Me and The Godfather got enlisted into the same school, same reporting time, same date and same day! Oh man, this is cool. This means we have a high chance of getting into the same platoon. Haha. Oh btw, Vincent and Kok are also in the same situation. Haha. Anyhow, just for those who are interested, our dear Yee Chwan got into Commandos. Oh man. He's gonna have a tough time for the next 2 years sia. Lolz. Poor him.
Oh yah. I have heard alot of comments from people recently that my template looks gay and girlish. Haha. Hmm, but seriously, I thought it looks quite nice to me. Haha. These people would have been more shocked to see my other template choice la. Haha. It's totally pink k. Lolz. Oh man. Maybe I'm really not a guy. Haha. But pink is really nice what...don't you all agree? Lolz.
Anyhow, I'm not gonna update my blog as often liao coz my stupid computer broke down for no reason on the day I'm about to publish my entry on Jerry Ong's elimination. Lolz. Oh nvm. At least there's one less distraction for me now. Haha.
Okiez la. Till after A's, so long people! Good luck for your A's. We all need luck, don't we? Especially me. Sigh...

Thursday, October 14, 2004
4:55 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Hmm. Can't really concentrate. Been thinking about too many things. Gotta get some thoughts out of tha way.
Haha. Been thinking about our S09 flag unit comrades. Been wondering who will keep in contact and who will finally make it big in life...
The Commandos:
Yee Chwan. This guy has got to be the indisputable lamer of the lot. Brought us lotsa laughter. Haha. This guy, what can I say? He is the first guy to introduce himself to me when I first joined the class, well, other than that other person. Haha. When I first met him, thought him out to be a super serious guy. But how wrong can I get? Turned out to be this horny guy (though he keeps denying it) who likes to lame around. Okay, gotta admit he's very serious when it comes to work. But overall, a fun guy to be with. Can see him leading a stable and down-to-earth life in the future. The kinda guy who works from 9-5. Yup. Can trust him to give a sense of security to his future spouse. A toal responsible guy.
Henry. Okay. Gotta say I don't really know him that well. Still remember when I first came in, saw this super quiet hunk sitting all alone there, with his eyes darting here and there at the activities going on around the class. Thought he's those kinda introvert who's hard to get along with. But he turned out to be a real easy-going guy who takes things easy. Quite admire his happy-go-lucky attitude. Not really sure what will become of him in future. But can imagine him wearing those kinda singlet, with his that worn-out slippers, in a kopitiam. Maybe he will really take over his father's bookie business. Lolz.
The General a.k.a. The Godfather:
Jun Yuan. Woah. This guy. I see him as the most intelligent among the lot. Not sure why. It's just a feeling he gives me. He's mature in his thinking, and is one who will definitely take good care of his family and gives a sense of security to a girl. But gotta say he has a really innocent mind sia. With him around, I can only claim to be the 2nd most innocent guy in class. Lolz. He's mostly serious la, but man, beware of his mode change sia. Haha. Can become quite violent at times. Haha. Anyhow, I believe he's those kinda person who will really make it big in life, and I really mean big. Haha. Perhaps we can see him appearing on some business magazine cover in future. Lolz.
The Navy Diver cum Canoeist:
Derwin. This is another guy whom I don't really know. But things will always brighten up with him around coz he's ever so loud. Haha. Will remember him as the only person in class who takes S papers. Haha. He's those kinda guy who will slack around in school and mug hard at home. His attitude in school and his results are in complete contrast sia. Don't really have an idea of what will become of him in future. Perhaps a bodybuilder? Or maybe he will be the first to win a gold medal in Olympics for Singapore in gymnastics? Haha. I don't know. I really don't.
The Sniper:
Heming. This has got to be another lamer. Always full of ideas of the lamest of all jokes, though I suspect he got some of his jokes from the Jacky Wu show. Haha. But never mind. As long as they make us laugh. Anyway, he looks fat, or rather he is fat, but man, is he strong. Haha. All his muscles must have been covered by the layers of oil under his skin sia. Haha. Anyhow, think this is a guy who will make it big in life. Can imagine him as a CEO-director of a company. Haha. Those kind who will sit in his office and shake leg while keeping his eyes glued to the computer screen for any news on the stock market. Haha.
The "Reliable" Flashbanger (who will always flash his own comrades. Lolz.):
Vincent. Hmm. This guy, though horny and not serious at times, is definitely a guy worth befriending. He's those kinda loyal friends who will never hesitate to lend a helping hand to friends around him. Gives friends a sense of security. One can always place his complete trust in him. Yup. But this guy is becoming more and more obsessed with money and power sia. Haha. But can see him succeed in life, though I'm not sure what will become of him. Maybe this guy's our future Chief Superintendent? Lolz.
The Rifleman a.k.a. SPK (Haha, shall not comment on what this means):
Yao Zong. Another worthy friend. A serious and diligent worker who always take pride in whatever he does. Well, that's for daytime, and God knows what he's up to at night. Lolz. Okay la. He always claims that he's mugging at night. To be fair to him, I accept that, but only to a certain extent. Haha. Anyway, this is another guy who will take up those kinda 9-5 job. But I can imagine him with lotsa mistresses outside. Lolz.
The Mine-Layer (coz he's in Pes C? Lolz.):
Hongyi. This is a guy who will always keep himself ahead of the times. Can trust his taste when it comes to fashion. He's also this super buaya king who will only set his sights on little mei-meis. Lolz. Gotta say he's those kinda guy who's popular with girls. But he can be quite serious too, especially when it comes to exam periods. Oh man, scary sia. Haha. He's definitely a true friend to have around you who will always be there for you whenever you need him. Anyway, even though he wishes to be a lawyer, I can see him becoming an insurance agent or property agent in future. With his eloquence, trust him to make it big too.

Hmm. Just wanna say that I'm really grateful to this bunch of funky guys who has definitely make my life in NJC an enjoyable one. And guys, thanks for being there for the past 1 year or so. Really appreciate it. Stay cool and funky ya? And should a chance really appear, remember our dream of opening a S09 kopitiam. Shall beat the S11s sia. Lolz.
And of course, not forgetting the girls in 03S09. Though I'm not really that close to most of them, they have been great companions too, adding much colours and joy to the class. And seriously, I think our class girls can definitely be ranked at the top, in terms of looks that is. Lolz.
Anyhow, thank you to all~! 03S09 rawk~!!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004
4:40 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Fuck it. I'm damn pissed. Was happily studying just now. In fact, I was enjoying it. It's rare that mugging would be enjoyable. Anyway, I was reading through my physics notes when suddenly a bitch came to my window and started shouting for my Mom. (Ok, in case you are wondering, I live on the ground floor.) Her screeching voice was so freaking loud that I could even hear it despite locking myself up in an air-conditioned room. Wanted to ignore her and get on with my studies. But she just wouldn't stop. There she was, screaming at the top of her lungs. And for the fact that I live on the ground floor, passers-by were all staring at my house like it's some fucked up condemned dumping area. Oh man, if she's not embarrassed about it, I am. Kaoz.
Okay, so I went over to the window and put up a smiling face and said "Hello Auntie". Oh man, can't believe I was so polite to her. Guess I did that coz i expected her to leave after knowing that my Mom's not at home. But freaking hell, no. There she stood, yakking away about how well her daughter did in her prelims (her daughter is in RJC). I was thinking in my mind, "okok, whatever." This part is still fine. It's until she asked me what subjects I'm taking that I'm pissed off. Unsuspectedly, I told her I took Economics, Physics and Maths. And guess what's her response? Using a super fucked up mocking tone, she sneered, "Oh you mean you taking only 3 sub? Oh then shouldn't you do very well for your prelims, since you have more time on your hands? I guess it must be better than my daughter right?" Oh my god. At that point in time I almost couldn't take it anymore. Almost exploded in her face. If not for the fact that she's my Mom's friend, I would have slammed the window shut, pointed my middle finger at her, and asked her to fuck the hell off. Wtf is she trying to do at my house? Showing off to me how great her daughter is? Fuck off man. I don't need people coming to mock at me and telling me right in my face how bad my results were. Kaoz. Just when I was enjoying my super efficient mugging, some bitch just have to come to spoil my day. Fucked up. =S
Maybe I just haven't emphasised this enough. To all those fucked up arrogant bastards and bitches who always think their asses are above others so that they can piss on other people's heads, FUCK THE HELL OFF AWAY FROM ME!

8:56 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Pon school today. Still not sure if I made the right decision even after thinking it through for a long time last night. Weighted the pros and cons of not going school today. Only thing stopping me from not going school is the GP lesson and the Physics lecture. But considering the fact that I'm not feeling very well (sore throat + slight cough), think it would be best for me to stay home and rest, and at the same time catch up with my revision. Just realised how slow my progress is. Have not been mugging since monday. No thanks to all those freaking homework which practically packed my schedule to the fullest every night. Argh. 12 more days to A's. Gotta buck up and chiong my way through. It's like finally seeing the finishing line after a cross-country run. Will kinda give you the urge to surge forward at the highest possible speed, but then again, you are already so drained after such a long and demanding run. As the chinese saying goes, "you xin wu li". But nonetheless, I'm gonna force my tired legs to keep on going. The finishing line is only a few metres ahead. Yay. Keep on going~! And as Yao Zong said, "Perservere...~!!!".

Tuesday, October 12, 2004
2:45 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Woohoo~! In not bad a mood today. Not sure why. Nothing has really cheered me up in this period of extreme stress. But I feel good today. Haha. Maybe it's because of the short day, or maybe it's because of some other stuff. Not really sure myself. Haha.
Anyway, just realised something --- that we need to pei yang our mood to the right mode before we start studying in order to achieve a high efficieny rate. Haha. Well, maybe sentimental isn't exactly the perfect word to describe that kinda mood, but until I can find a better word to replace that, I shall just refer it to as sentimental. Haha. Anyhow, it's true. With a sentimental mood, you (or rather me) can get things done faster, and surprisingly, things get into your head faster. Haha. Classical music really does help to get you into that particular right mood. Haha. Try it people. But success won't be guaranteed because I believe it will have different effect on different people. Yup, but no harm trying right? Haha. At least it works for me (and Vincent?) Haha.
Hmm. Need to catch some sleep now. Lotsa homework to be completed (as usual. =S). Sigh. Cya people! I'm off to dreamland~! Haha.

Monday, October 11, 2004
5:59 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Sigh, finally... School is over. No more torture. Well at least not for now. Been having headache since i woke up this morning. Sucks. Wanted to pon school initially. But I have done most of the homework, so guess it will be a waste of my effort if I don't go. Was looking to catch a wink or two during the long bus ride. But freaking hell, the bus really not noisy la. Kaoz. The stupid driver is really a no-brainer. Fancy him switching on the tv mobile to a full blast so early in the morning. Wtf. Can't he see that dozens of passengers are trying to sleep?! Kaoz. If not for the fact that he is an innocent looking ah peh, I would have given him a big tight slap. Fucked up.
School suck today. Well, what's new? Sigh. It's a super long day today. Ok, though I must admit it's even longer for those who take chemistry, but many of them still pon, so not much difference anyway. It's a dumb school. Fuck whoever the bitch or bastard who came out with the restructured timetable. What's the point of a restructured timetable when all the 5 days' lessons are being crammed into 3? Kaoz. Everyday end so freaking late. Everyday there will be tutorials for every subject. This sucks. And the tutors are no better. Why the fuck did everyone of them stuff us with so much homework and expect us to finish them by the next day?? Can't they use their fucked up useless brains to think?! We are all in the midst of our revision, and all those fucking homwork are disrupting our plans! Argh. And the mentality of the tutors are really selfish. When assigning us homeworks, why do they always think that that subject is our only subject when there's still so much freaking subjects for us to handle?? (Ok, those taking 4 subs plz keep your asses to yourself. You all are good and I'm not k.). Fuck the school. Fuck the tutors. And fuck those arrogant bastards who think they will always have their asses over others' heads.

Sunday, October 10, 2004
9:59 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Sigh, wtf. So many things happened recently. Misunderstandings, to be exact. 3 in a row. Kaoz. Was really scared out of my wits last night. But luckily, everything turned out to be fine. Come to think of it. Guess I'm largely to blame for this misunderstanding. Was really insensitive with my words. Hmm, gotta watch my words in future sia. Don't want a friendship to be lost just like that. Last night's matter showed me something that is already deep down inside my heart but it's something that I didn't notice. At least not till yesterday. Found out that I treasured this friendship very much. Yup. It sounds a bit er xin, but seriously it's true. Argh. Better stop here. Feel like throwing up myself. Haha.
Anyway, I just realised that I have fallen in love with classical music. Haha. Didn't know that I like it so much. Thought it was only a tool served to calm myself down during periods of extreme stress. But I was wrong. I have fallen for it. Haha. Wonder how long my this newly found craze will last. Haha. But hope it will last longer than i predict coz it really does help in studies. Yup, coz it kinda calm and soothe you down. It kinda get you (or rather, me) into a mood (I don't know. Is it sentimental?) that is just suitable for mugging purposes. At least that's the way it works for me. Haha. So for now, to hell with 93.3 and to hell with 98.7! And hello to 92.4! Lolz.

Saturday, October 09, 2004
11:17 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Oh shit. Realised i have just offended someone without myself knowing it. Shit... I'm really worried. Didn't knowit meant so much to him. I really meant it as a joke. Maybe I wasn't sensitive enough. Shit... I really don't mean what he thought i mean. Really Kok, trust me. It wasn't my intention to hurt or offend or insult you. Really. Believe me. You know i like to shoot my mouth off like no one's business. Sorry bro. I really am. Please, please. Forgive me. I have already deleted that segment of my entry. Sorry sorry... Serious. I'm really sorry...

10:28 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Woohoo~! I'm still so high now. Haha. Normally I will be half dead by now. Haha. Anyway, had an unusual day today. Haha. Actually intended to mug in school library, but upon reaching school, I was treated to a free flow of insecticide! Wth...They really want to cover the whole field area with insecticide la. Didn't even spare a thought for those coming into and those going out of the school la. If they wanna spray, do it after everyone has left the school la! Kaoz... Bunch of no-brainers.
Anyway, I walked thru those damned poisonous fumes and proceeded to the library... only to be told the news that library will be closing in one hour's time. Argh. Wtf. Damn suay. Was thinking is it because of Vincent again. Haha, coz always go out with him confirm got unlucky things happen one. Haha. But luckily this time, Jun Yuan came to our aid. Haha. Suddenly sent all the guys a lame message, asking us if we wanna go swimming. Haha, wth... Anyhow, me and Vincent ended up in his house to mug. Wasn't very fruitful though. Only did 2 hours or so of mugging and we were off onto the Playstation. Haha. And guess what? I beat the self proclaimed "Sembawang Race Champion"! Lolz. But JunYuan was unbeatable la. Pro sia. Then we had dinner with Jun Yuan's family. His Dad was a damn funny guy. Lolz. Speaks funny and has a cute character, which is so different from Jun Yuan la. Haha. And guess what? Realised Yee Chwan's Dad is not the only one who will scold vulgarities. Lolz.
Anyhow, we went to shop for Lydia's gift. Settled on a necklace. It's quite nice la, considering that I was the one who chose it. Haha. No la, Jun Yuan had a part in it too la. Then Vincent came out with the crazy idea of bringing the gift personally to her house. Haha. Thought it would be quite fun.
Haha. Didn't expect Lydia'shouse to be located at such an eerie and wooloo place. Haha. It's those kinda perfect venue for a rape scene to be filmed la. Lolz. Must recommend to Mediacorp sia. Haha. Anyway, Vincent came out of a lame story (sorry, it can't be published here, haha) to lure Lydia out of her house. To think she actually fell for it! Lolz. Actually wanted to give her a robbery shock, but her estate is so freaking quiet la. Didn't dare to shout sia. Haha. Before we leave, wanted to shout "Lydia wo ai ni" across the estate, but we chickened out when we saw her Mom peeking out of the house. Lolz.
Haha, quite a fun day la. But felt very guilty after that, coz once again I went back on my word to mug hard. Sigh...

Friday, October 08, 2004
9:35 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Arhhh...~!!! I'm so gonna kill myself la! Jerry got in again! Wtf... What the hell is wrong with the voters?! Though I did not watch yesterday's episode, I heard the recap on TV just now. Oh man, Jerry sounded like shit! (Well, what's new right?) And yet he was not even in the bottom 4! Instead Olinder and Taufik, whom i thought were quite good, fell into the bottom 4. Kaoz. Thought Olinder could go far in this competition, but it seems like she lacks the much needed support. Hmm, makes me wonder. Is it because of her looks? Perhaps. Haha. Anyway, back to Jerry. Just found out recently that he's from the same church as that Sun Ho bitch. This kinda explains the support, doesn't it? Sigh. I shall not comment on this. Don't wanna offend any God at this point of time when i will need all the God's support to tide me through my A's. Yup, haha.
Anyhow, was just switching to channel 8 after the results. And man, I was treated to a scene of saucy sex scene. Lolz. And you know what the guy said to the girl? Haha. He said something like "Do you know that you are very lucky? You can choose whether to like me or not. I can only choose to like you or to like you more." Wth. Such cheapskate sweet talk also can lure a girl to bed arhz?? Haha. Wah that means I got hope le. Lolz. *Gasps* Er... I was just joking la. Haha. Am i such a guy?? Lolz...

11:49 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Haha... Was channel surfing just now. My fingers were just switching the channel after channel, until... I was stopped by the sight of someone. Ruby Lin. Oh man, is she chio or what? Didn't realise she's actually so beautiful until then. Long straight and soft hair. Smooth skin. Flawless complexion. Nice voice. Oh my god. Simply stunning.
Anyway, I went on to watch a little bit of that drama. Well, for obvious reason. Haha... She was a killer in that drama. And she was supposed to kill a guy whom she loved. Well, she did kill him. Oh man, even the way she had that firece look in her eyes was just simply attractive. Haha, and i wouldn't mind being killed by her sia. Haha. Anyway, as expected, she was crying after that guy died. And oh man, my heart was aching when i saw her tears. Haha, couldn't bear, I just couldn't bear to see her cry. Haha... Had an urge to hug her tight at that point of time. Lolz. Okok, i'm getting disgusted at myself. Nvm... Shall just store that beautiful image in my mind. Oh man... Haha...

8:47 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Sigh, life sucks. It's all about mugging day in and day out. Wth... There's simply no breathing space, except when i stop for meals and showers. Argh, what's this man?! Okiez, though i've gotta admit i haven't been that hardworking as i promised myself to, but i'm slowly gaining momentum. But the sound of the voice telling myself to do well is killing me~! This has got to be the most difficult exam period that i have ever gone through. Never felt like this before. Not even before my O's. Though i did as bad for my prelims then, I know that O's is gonna be easy. But A's is a total different story! I have been failing my asses out throughout this 2 years in JC! So u can imagine how low my morale has gone. I really fear for my A's. Can't afford to flunk it, I really can't. And I don't want to~!!! Arhhh...~!!! Life really sucks. Why has it got to be this way...? Sigh...
Anyway, that Jerry bastard better not get into the next round of Singapore Idols tonight, or I will smash my TV! Argh, can't stand his face sia... Feel like tearing that fucked up face apart everytime i see it.

1:04 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Sigh, heard from Mom just now about our financial situation. It sounds worse than last time. Can see that she's very worried and stressed. Not sure how to help though. Hmm, maybe i can start by stopping to pay for Singapore Pools' profits. Been feeling so guilty after the conversation with Mom. The situation is already so bad and yet i'm splurging away needlessly. Sigh. Things haven't been optimistic ever since Dad got retrenched last year. Now, he's still under his probation period in his new job. They promised to confirm his employment after 3 months, but they extended the probation period time and time again. Wth man... What's this world coming to sia...
Anyhow, i'm utterly disappointed in my bro. Fancy him being the elder son of the family. He has done nothing to console Mom and Dad! Instead what has he been doing?? Splurging his pocket money away! He's already 23 la, and he's still relying on parents for financial support. Wth... And now he said he needs money to enrole in some lame music course in La Selle. Seriously, i don't see the point. All he wanna do is jam his way around the pubs, so why bother about whatever shit music degree? Sigh, whatever...i'm too lazy and too busy to bother, but can I?? Sigh sigh...
I'm just gonna pia for my A's and score excellent results. Just hope that will cheer Mom and Dad up a tiny weeny bit. And i'm just gonna show my bro that i will do better than him in life! Sigh...
p.s. I missed Singapore Idols today~!!!! Arhhh...~!!! Maia~!! haha...

Thursday, October 07, 2004
11:41 am
i'm the dreamer ...

Sigh, I had just convinced myself yesterday that i need to settle down and study, and yet i'm still as lazy. Argh. Slept at 11 yesterday, which was damn early, considering that i need to mug. But then again, I just couldn't study last night. Don't know why. Just can't concentrate. So might as well sleep and mug in the morning right? Hmm, hope i didn't make the wrong decision.
Was supposed to attend some physics make up lecture today, but i skipped it. Can't see the use of going for the lecture when all they do is to go thru the prelim answer. They have already given us the answer scheme, so why can't I just stay home and read that instead of wasting my time to travel all the way to school and listen to the lecturer lift the whole chunk out of the scheme? Sigh, hope i make the right decision again.
Well anyway, was awaken by a call on my hp. Wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep. But the ringing seems never ending, so i dragged myself out of bed to answer it, but just when i was about to pick it up, it went silent. Wth... Anyway, when i was wide awake, i was suddenly overcome with guilt, guilty that i went back on my word to mug hard. Hate this feeling. But it was good coz it gave me a sense of urgency. Hmm, come to think of it, the phone call seems like a call from my angel, isn't it? Urging me to face my guilty conscience and do what i should be doing. Yup, i shall not lose my focus. It's hard, but i have to try, don't I? Hmm...

Wednesday, October 06, 2004
5:00 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

hmm, it feels weird to see that person in school again today. Lotsa mixed feelings deep down inside me. Been thinking if i should take the initiative to apologise, but then again, i have done nothing wrong. Or have I? I don't wanna lose a friend at a time like this, when we are about to graduate. If nothing is being done, we may just lose touch with each other forever. Just like that. A friendship gone with the wind. But i'm just too proud to do anything about it. Sigh whatever. Let me worry about my A's first. Anything else can wait (I hope...).
Hmm, talking about A's. I'm starting to worry. 19 more days, and yet my progress is so slow. I don't want to do as badly for A's as my prelims~! I want my As and Bs~! I was shocked by my prelim results. Thought i could at least score a D for every subject. I really did study this time round, but guess my concepts and theories are still not there yet. Sigh, all those effort of staying up thru out the nite has gone down to waste. Was looking for a morale boosting result slip before the A's, but it seems like there will never be one. Sigh, but i have only myself to blame, no one else. Well, no point crying over split milk. Prelims is over. Gotta look forward. I must gear myself up for the next battle. I'm quite sure of my own ability but my morale is on a new low now. Maybe i should stop comparing myself to the weaker ones and start looking up to those who has done better than me. We are all NJC students. No reason why they can do it and I can't. Gonna make use of this opportunity to show them my power~! I'm gonna beat them all man~! haha..

Tuesday, October 05, 2004
11:49 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Finally, my blog is ready. After so much hassle of choosing the right template and studying the javascript thingy. Gotta admit that i'm a total retard when it comes to computer.
Sigh anyhow, i'm damn hurt now. Just fell out with one of my supposedly good friend. Thought that person would understand, but no... you said that i do not know you well enough. Well, maybe. But it seems like you do not understand me well enough either. Perhaps our friendship has not reached that level of understanding yet.
Been thinking about it. Is it my fault that this misunderstanding has occurred? Well, i don't know, I really don't. Maybe it was a joke carried too far... Never mind. I don't want to think about it. Just let it be. It's hurtful...