I'll just keep DREAMING

Sunday, March 27, 2005
11:34 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

went vincent's house in morning. finally registered for university. quite to my surprise, i took quite little time to decide my choices. haha. hope really can get into ntu business. if not it's back to memorising stuff in engineering liao. sigh sian. anyway, went causeway point watch son of the mask with vincent and jun yuan after that. my 1st time watching movie there sia. expected another jubilee of sorts, so was pleasantly surprised to see it nicely furnished and everything. and the theatre quite big and comfy also. but then, everything was ruined by that stupid bad movie. wth la. it's like watching a tom and jerry show on the big screen la. ya, it's quite funny at some parts, but... arh never mind. after movie, once again as usual, we dunno where to go and what to do. ended up in library. vincent borrowed some books while i was a bit sian diao by the sight of books. then went causeway point, then back to civic centre then causeway point again, then back to civic centre... arh singapore is just so ever sian. going mjc to sell pe attire again tomorrow. not quite looking forward, but then i need the money. lotsa stuff i wanna buy before i get enlisted in one and a half weeks more. sigh sian. never train for 2 days le. doubt i will have time to train tomorrow too. sigh die... sure kenna confined liao la. sigh.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005
4:52 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

ok lemme take back whatever i have said yesterday on the album i bought. i'm beginning to like it. in fact i'm addicted. haha. dunno why all of a sudden all the songs appear nice to me. haha. anyway i have got to praise them for their enounciation sia. almost faultless, and totally no honky accent whatsoever. so i think that nj's mr stephen tsang has got to be ashamed sia. lol. ok back to the album. their songs are really similar to those of S.H.E's sia. haha. and even their voices sound like S.H.E, especially with that deep voice. it's like another ella lor. haha. till now i got to admit i still dunno which voice belongs to who. haha. the cute voice sounds nice but the deeper one sings better. of course, the cute voice sounds more like the chioer one, but nothing is guarenteed. god is fair sia. haha.
anyway, went mjc to sell pe attires again. 2nd day of school for the 2nd intakers. witnessed part of their orientation in the canteen. kinda made me regret that i pon the majority of nj's orientation. haha. but never mind. anyhow, what i wanna say is that girls should never be allowed to wear white uniforms sia. haha. for obvious reasons. some of their uniforms are almost translucent lor. haha. the moment i reached there this morning, i was almost blinded by all those bright colours hidden underneath those white shirts. haha. but nothing to see la. it's not as if they are not wearing anything underneath. oops. haha. been observing for the whole day. think light blue and pink is the 'in' thing now. lol. oh ya. then got one ah lian unbuttoned so many of her buttons that when she bent down to choose her size, i was like woah. haha. of course, trust me to blink blink then look away. see no evil. lol. anyway, either i'm des or the mj j1 batch really got alot of chio bu. which is a good thing. haha. coz they are 2 years younger than us so we have a chance to meeting them in university after our NS. haha. if every school's j1 batch like mj's then song ar! haha. oh ya. saw someone who looked really like that chutty chut chut. haha. er, from the back view that is. but as usual, when she turned around... oh man. told you god is fair liao. haha. oh man. can't wait for monday and tuesday sia. coz i'm going back there. lol. yeah man.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005
8:58 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

just finished listening to the album i bought yesterday. hmm. quite disappointed sia. the album is like... amateurish? yeah. as much as i hate to say this, but the singing sucks. but full marks for their packaging sia. they know what kinda image they want to bring across, but song-wise, they are still experimenting i guess. as for this album, even that fang wen shan's lyrics can't save it, but i like the melodies. yeah. think i'm being abit biased here. haha. expected.

8:37 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

wah jialat. think i have overstrained myself. my right arm is hurting like siao la. i cannot even put it straight. shit. this is bad. it had better be muscle ache and not muscle strain. i need to get back in shape. 2 weeks more sia. sigh.
anyway, received some comments on my blog entry. didn't think i was wrong to say that though. what i said is the truth what. when were they ever on about anything? when was the last time they were willing to come out? the only time i remembered them joining us was when we were celebrating the birthday for one of them. ok fine, whatever. maybe i was really insensitive. but isn't this my blog? why can't i just speak my mind? before i write anything down, i must consider this and consider that? wth. ok fine. i'm being rude. pardon me. arh whatever.

Monday, March 21, 2005
5:44 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

i finally exploded today after some constant nagging by my mom. had a heated quarrel with her before i stormed out of the house. didn't even bother to dress up. just grabbed my wallet and my handphone and out i go. dunno where to go also. went northpoint in the end. walked aimlessly around. walked apst sembawang music store. suddenly recalled that my favourite concubine has just released her debut madarin album. went in, asked for it. sold out. fucked up. gave the storekeeper a fucked up look and stormed out of the store. they must have thought i was mad. anyway, went causeway point after that. was determined to find that album. and guess what? causeway point also sold out. wtf. no choice. decided to go to some bigger music stores. took mrt to town. then saw this super chio bu sitting directly opposite me with her boyfriend. damn chio sia. had all the features that my dream girl should have, except that her chest is really flat. wasted, but never mind. must be those sports bras that caused her to be so flat because she was wearing a singapore sports council polo tee, so must be a sports girl of sorts. anyway, kept staring at her for the whole mrt journey. must be damn obvious because at one point her boyfriend stared back at me. whatever. i just looked back at him straight in the eyes and continued staring at her. anyhow, i think they look damn compatible. both look very ang mo and rich to me. it's like siqi and russell, even though they are not a couple, and that siqi has nothing but two big lumps in front of her chest. ok never mind. bad example. but that girl's just damn super duper chio sia. argh. can't stand it. never mind.

Sunday, March 20, 2005
10:51 am
i'm the dreamer ...

diao. went to watch our juniors' competition at ntu yesterday. sigh. disapoointing. not quite our standard yet. haha. was quite happy when we left because i thought our record win of silver won't be broken. yeah. realised i used 'thought' instead of 'knew'? haha. yeah. was quite shocked when the president came telling me they won silver last night. diao. wtf lor. ok am i supposed to feel happy for them? haha. never mind. whatever. they better not see this sia.

Saturday, March 19, 2005
11:17 am
i'm the dreamer ...

went for some supposedly class outing last night. ended up only the powerhouse clique went with the guys. sigh. kinda expected such situation actually. the other clique is just so ever anti-social and buay on. anyway, went kenny rogers. and again, as expected, the girls and guys segregation began. girls one side talk talk talk, guys one side cock cock cock. then saw something i shouldn't see and didn't tell anyine in particular except for the horny guy. nothing much to see also. it's just another common sight. arh whatever. and so, we went sky garden at esplanade after that. first time there though. other then the awful singing by dunno who, the atmosphere is not bad. as in, the atmosphere of the sky garden, not the atmosphere among us. yeah. sit down there you stare at me i stare at you for dunno how long till a bastard suggested playing truth or dare, though it's so obvious that no one was really interested in playing. everyone became sian diao. though everyone was involved in the game, no one had any question to ask and no one really answer truthfully. diao. if not for yinghao, i dare say we will continue our you stare me i stare you game. but then, that bastard was ever so loud that i feel like punching the hell outta him. when will he change sia. or should i say, mature? never mind. who cares? it's his life. and so, the day started on a high by watching robots with the guys and ended on a low by getting sian diao by the whole outing thingy. so is this another failed class outing? hmm. not really. at least we put in efforts to turn up? arh whatever.

Thursday, March 17, 2005
6:32 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

lol. oh man. this rocks. found this linky on hilda 'paris hilton' chan's blog. http://cheekybynature.blogspot.com/
some lame shit by the name cheeky. haha. i can't stop laughing ever since i read his entries sia. lol. damn funny. or is my sense of humour poor? but who cares? hilda-the-rich-girl likes it, so i'm of the same standard as those upper class people. hahahahahaha. kk. whatever.

5:14 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

ok fine whatever. people are complaining about their results everywhere i go. ya ya... whatever. not feeling very fucked up by them. just abit sian diao. people just can't seem to choose the people they complain to with the right sense. a typical converstion will go like this. "fuck man, this sucks. i didn't do well for A's. so what did you get for A's?" "haha, what's your results?" "2As 2Bs lor. sucks sia." this is my mind speaking:"fuck u." (smiling), "haha, ok what not too bad. i haven't even got an A." fucked up. ok, different people have different expectations. but... arh whatever. as vincent said, i'm just ignoring my disappointment and sadness. quite right. but i rather ignore than being moody for the rest of my life isn't it? life has to move on. just hope people will be more sensitive. yes, that's what i'm saying to you on the surface. down inside, read my lips: fuck u. yeah. am i being unreasonable? yes i am. but that's me. be glad i didn't show it in your face. so just go. go fuck yourself before i show my fucking self in your face. yeah.

4:43 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Was being bo liao and started blog surfing. Saw Hilda's blog. Thought could find someone's blog link on hers. Saw the name on her link list. Damn happy. Read read read for dunno how long, realised it's someone with the same name as her. Lame. Think she no longer blogs liao. Anyway, went on to view Hilda's picture gallery. Not bad la. At least I saw the someone I was hoping to see. Haha. Sigh. Regrets. Had my actions be faster, she should have already been mine. Haha. Never mind. No more feelings liao, though I still think she's chio despite so many guys telling me my taste sucks. I seriously think it's theirs that suck. Just look at those girls they fell for. Haha oops. I didn't mention names hor. Haha. But our Godfather's and the horny guy's taste not bad la, though I still think mine is the best. Lol. Anyway, think will be hard to meet another girl who's so near to my expectations liao. Don't ask me to go after her now. No more feelings. That's it. Yeah. No fate. Never mind. Whatever. Back to Hilda. Looking at her photos made me feel very distant from her. Ok, I'm not even close to her in the first place. What I'm trying to say is she's like those type of girl that will make guys feel distant from her. Even if you like her, you won't dare to go for it. Yeah. Something like that. Rich girl. Belongs to the upper class. Even a simple dinner will be in a restaurant. Attends those high class parties where rich men meet rich men. Lame. Kinda remind me of Paris Hilton. Oops. Haha. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, and it's for that person who likes/liked her (you know who you are), be glad you didn't go for her. Haha. Both of you are just worlds apart. Ok, you are rich too, but... Arh whatever. Hilton vs Hilda. Close comparison huh? Even their names look so similar. Oops. She had better not see this sia, which I doubt she will. Even if she does so what? This is for her: it's my blog, girl. :)) Ok whatever. Think I'm nuts.

Sunday, March 06, 2005
10:28 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Hmm. Interesting day. Haha. Went for the NTU talks today. Came to one conclusion --- Universities' lecturers are as boring as our JCs'. Haha. But the talks are okay la, at least I came to understand some of the courses better. But I'm still undecided as to which path I wanna take in the future. Worse still, my results limited my choices to only a few. And something worries me very much. The business course is so popular la. Just compare the number of people who turned up for the business talk and the rest of the other talks. Drastic difference sia. Thought I could at least enter the business course, but seeing how well the response is, I'm starting to worry sia. This year's results is good la. So with my results, there is certainly sufficient reasons to worry sia. Sigh. Never mind. Shall see how. Anyway, the rest of tha day was unusual. Haha. Spent the whole day with Vincent, Jun Yuan and Weili walking around. Haha. Weird combination sia. It's like some orientation outing. Haha. Had a good talk in Starbucks. Back to our gossipy selves. Haha. Managed to squeeze some jing bao out from our Godfather. Lol. Seriously to say, I'm quite surprised to hear him say that. Haha. Then after Jun Yuan went home, I kinda felt quite awkward initially. Haha. Because I'm like stuck between two very good friends. But everything turned out fine la, although I'm not that comfortable with all those silences in between. Haha. Anyway, managed to catch some stars at Suntec today. Got some Christian event going on there. Saw Jamie Yeo and Glenn Ong. Very glam sia. Haha. Jamie quite chio la, but not virgin liao, so... Lol. Saw Fiona Xie also. But hor, she's not very busty leh. Haha. So what's that two lumps I always see on television? Lol. Illusions.

Friday, March 04, 2005
9:23 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Hmm. So that's it. The scary day is over. Come to think of it, it's not that scary after all isn't it? It's the waiting process that really freak me out. Ok so it's over. Yeah, my results isn't good, but I kinda feel so relieved now. Sad to say, I've kinda seen this coming. My results, I mean. It's just that I refused to face up to reality before I really see my results. Was reading someone's blog. He said, "You should know in your heart how you will fare and stuff, it is meaningless to wish for good results. It is all set and fixed." Hmm. Quite true isn't it? The moment I stepped out of the A Level examination hall, I knew my results will not be that good. But I just choose to ignore such reality. Yeah. Never mind. Life just has to move on. No time for regrets. Shall just throw this 'memory' to the back of my mind. Yeah.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005
10:13 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Was watching the 9pm show on Channel 8. Oh man, I can't stand that Rui En's character Meide sia. Seeing the way she treats Simon and the attitude and opinion towards men really gets to me sia. Can't believe Simon can stay devoted to a girl like her. If I were him, I would have stuffed those food into her face, flatten her breasts and ask her to go to hell man. Kaoz. Being hard to please is one thing, being a bimbotic bitch is another. Argh. Can't stand it.
Anyway, been thinking about a lot of things these few days. Really getting very worried sia. Can't put my mind to peace until I see my results. A lot have been going through my mind lately. What if I really did very badly? What if everyone around me is celebrating and I'm the only one left crying? What if I really disappoint my parents and myself? What if I can't get into university? What if... What if... Argh. Can't stand it. I really want to do well sia, but I'm seriously not very optimistic. Don't want to flop another national examination like I did in my PSLE. Since young, I have always thought that I am an intelligent boy because I have been enrolled into a neighbourhood primary school. Not that I want to say, the standard there really sucked. Soon, I found myself topping the cohort every year, and even though I dropped during my last two years, I'm still 3rd in the cohort with an aggregate of 278 in my prelims. For 6 years, I enjoyed only success in my studies, and for 6 years, people around me have been calling me a genius. And of course, being young and innocent, I took their words seriously and seriously thought myself out to be some genius. Soon, everything came falling down on me. It all started when I received my PSLE results. Far from my expectations. 254. Sigh. Then, I found myself in Catholic High School not long after. Not exactly my ideal school. But never mind that. The worse thing is, I found myself failing exam after exam. That was when I started to seriously doubt my ability to study. Let me tell you. Catholic High School's exam policy of trying to fail people really got to me. My morale at Catholic High School can be said to be always on a low for the entire 4 years. I was lucky to make it into the Triple Science stream in Secondary 3. According to my form teacher, I was actually the last person (according to merit) in the entire school to make it into that stream. Haha. Talk about luck. But so what if I got into Triple Science? It's again failure after failure for the next 2 years. But Lady Luck smiled on me again during the O Level. It was pretty simple. But then, it wasn't exactly luck that got me my 9 points. Oh by the way, 9 points was actually considered quite lousy given that year's standard k. Ok back to my point, I seriously worked very very hard for my O's because I don't another flop. In fact, I was really scared after my prelims because I scored only 21 points, and it was only after moderation that I got into CJC in the first three months. Ok, so although 9 points wasn't exactly that good a result compared to those around me, I was happy with it because I really worked hard for it. Ok, so I got into NJC. According to some teacher who addressed the second intakers then, 03s09 is the third best class in the course that I chose. Hmm. So I soon found out that teachers' words really can't be taken seriously. Haha. Well ok. Let's be fair. Maybe it's really supposed to be the third best class but as my Mom always said, it's the attitude and the hard work put in that get you results. So i guess our attitude sucks? Yes, in fact I think it really sucks to the core sia. And so, peer pressure and influence got the better of me and I'm back to square one --- slacked. Sigh. So I leant another important lesson in my life --- friends are really important in the way you would turn out to be. Ok never mind that because I have only myself to blame for being influenced so easily. And so slacking caused me to just earn a promotion to J2, but not before I was asked to drop one subject. Chose Chemistry because I never ever passed a single test in J1. Sigh but it somehow turned out to be a wrong choice because Chemistry was freaking easy in the A's, and Economics... Sigh. Never mind. It's fated. Anyhow, when I got to J2, I promised myself to buck up and get down to serious work because I know I cannot afford to flunk my A's. But as usual, I couldn't fufill my promise. I got serious only like 1 month before prelims? Sigh. Shit. So, I kinda flopped my prelims although I really pushed myself hard during the last month before prelims. Sigh. Guess it's too late for a struggle. After prelims, everyone around me suddenly turned serious, including myself. Really put in my best to study for the A's. That had to be the hardest period in my life sia. It was difficult to tide over that period. Extreme stress. Argh. But I pushed myself on. From what I learnt from my O's, people really reap what they sow. So I worked really hard for my A's. But I guess exam needs luck too. Luck probably wasn't on my side during A's. Wasn't that smooth-riding as I was hoping for. Sigh. For now, I can only pray... I don't ask for much, serious. Just let me reach the targets I set for myself. And those targets are really not much. They are really just realistic targets. Oh God, Jesus, Buddha, and all the other gods above, please... I'm begging you... I have to reach my targets or I will really break apart. Serious... ...

3:02 pm
i'm the dreamer ...

Yes that's it. It's confirmed. This Friday. Sigh. I'm praying hard...